10 Unspoken Rules of Sex

1. Don't shout some hilarious catchphrase when you come.
You aren't a badly written sitcom character. Don't act like one.

2. Don't fart while receiving oral.
Nothing kills the mood faster. Well, almost nothing.

3. Ask before trying anything new. 
Not everyone is into the same stuff, and if you suddenly change lanes you are in for a bad time.

4. Before sleeping with a new partner, get tested.
You never know what you might have picked up. Always better to be safe than sorry. You don't want to make an embarrassing phone call down the road.

5. The first time he/she takes her clothes off in front of you, only speak in positive comments.
Nobody likes to be insulted.

6. Never assume it's safe to finish inside.
You don't know if she's on the pill, or if she missed a day. You don't want an unexpected baby, so just don't do it.

7. Reciprocate oral.
Who wants to just give and not get anything in return?

8. Do not squeeze a guys balls, unless he asks.
It's the same as someone squeezing your ovaries. More often than not, it's uncomfortable as hell.

9. Sex is messy.
Have fun and deal with the mess after.

10. "Stop" means stop and "oh my god, yes!" means keep doing exactly what you are doing.
If what you're doing is working keep doing it. Don't speed up, don't slow down. Do exactly what you're doing until instructed otherwise.